According to scientific research, being optimistic can boost your confidence, resilience, and happiness, all of which are outcomes of The Happiness Flywheel. So, let’s look at some of the theory behind the practice, and 10 simple ways you can become more optimistic.
Once you’ve read this article, I recommend you choose 1x of the ‘10 ways’ that resonates most, then add it into your daily routine.
Optimism Theories
Optimistic people tend to be happier than pessimistic people. Optimism is also related to lower hopelessness (Alloy et al., 2006). For example, optimistic people generally report higher levels of subjective wellbeing during times of adversity (Carver et al., 2010).
The Expectancy-Value Theory of Optimism, developed by Carver and Scheier (1981), states that individuals' level of optimism is influenced by their expectations about future outcomes and the value they place on those outcomes. Optimists tend to engage in proactive behaviours and persist in the face of challenges, driven by their positive expectations, confidence in their ability to achieve their goals, and the importance they ascribe to achieving said goals (Carver & Scheier, 1981; Scheier & Carver, 1985).
Some evidence also suggests that optimists are more successful when it comes to education level and income (Evans & Segerstrom, 2009; Segerstrom, 2007). Optimists might also be happier than pessimists in their social and romantic relationships (Carver et al., 2010). Additionally, studies have shown that people tend to like optimistic people more than pessimistic people, which likely increases the number of healthy relationships that optimists have (Carver et al., 1994).
Putting it into Practice
1. Choose your own version and level of optimism: One reason people fail to become more optimistic is that they’re not personalising optimism enough (what does ‘being optimistic’ mean for you?). Instead, they listen to other people’s versions of optimism and then try to live to those expectations (rather than their own). My recommendation is that instead of living up to someone else's expectations of what optimism means for them, do the work on yourself to unpack what ‘optimistic’ means to you. Then incorporate a few new optimistic ideas into your worldview in a way that feels authentic to you.
At the same time, it’s critical that you start small and don’t set your expectations too high. Remember that being optimistic doesn’t mean that you feel optimistic all the time in every scenario, that’s just not real.
As you develop your optimism, make sure to start small, prioritise progress rather than results. Being optimistic and happy isn’t a destination, it’s a journey.
2. Remove ‘should’ from your dialogue:
For many of us for most of our lives, people have told us that we 'should' do things. This leads us to talk to ourselves the same way. But that's not helpful and usually not even true. If you tell yourself that you 'should' be doing something, often what comes with that is judgement. You are judging yourself for doing things differently than someone else might.
Become aware of negative and judgemental words such as 'should' in your internal dialogue. Try replacing 'should' with:
I could…
I’d like to…
I choose to…
I can…
I’m working on…
It’d be beneficial if I…
3. Practice Loving-Kindness:
Loving-kindness meditation, which is often directed towards others, has been shown to benefit our wellbeing. But there is no reason we can't direct this towards ourselves when we are feeling sad. Here is a 7-min loving-kindness meditation care of the ‘Greater Good in Action’ organisation to try.
4. Make positive concepts more accessible in your brain:
Our brains prefer to just go to whatever is familiar - it's easier, quicker, and requires less energy. So undoing negativity involves making positive concepts more familiar and accessible in the brain. One way to do this is to have a positive word of the day or use an ‘I am ____’ positive statement as an affirmation you repeat when needed.
Although the research hasn't shown that there are positive regions of the brain, per se, strengthening the connections between positive concepts and your ability to generate positive thoughts, words, and emotions will likely make it easier to do this again in the future.
Choose from one of The Happiness Flywheel’s Daily Actions by introducing a positive affirmation / positive word into your daily dialogue. You'll find 96 Good Positive "I am ________ statements" to choose from right here: Good Positive Affirmations 1-page PDF Handout.
5. Question pessimistic thoughts and reframe negative experiences:
We sometimes tell ourselves that our pessimistic thoughts are realistic thoughts, however, remember that thoughts and feelings are not facts. Just because you think something is real, it doesn’t mean it is (fake news anyone?).
Often, our pessimistic thoughts are created by one or more of our subpersonality types, such as your Inner Critic, Perfectionist, or Pusher. So, when you find yourself being negative, try to pause and question your thoughts. Are they real? Or your perception of reality?
If you are having a pessimistic or negative thought about a past experience, you can reframe it. Reframing is a simple, yet effective technique used in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to help people reframe their narrative when dealing with past negative experiences. See below for a great reframing exercise recommended to me by my therapist.
Reframing Exercise (1st 2nd & 3rd Place):
When I first did this exercise, I was surprised how effectively it helped me reframe a past traumatic event*, so that it has less power over me today. I was so impressed with its simplicity and power that I built the Reframing exercise into The Happiness Flywheel Program.
Simple steps for the 1st, 2nd & 3rd Place Reframing Exercise that you to try:
Think of a negative experience which you’ve had in the past involving someone else. You can keep it light by choosing a relatively minor argument or disagreement. Or, you can go deeper by choosing heavier baggage from your past that you’re still carrying with you. This would be a more traumatic experience, such as a breakup, or argument that has had a long-term negative effect on your relationship with said person(s).
Write down what was happening from your point of view (1st Place). What did you say and do? What were your thoughts? How were you feeling? Why were you feeling that way?
Now step into the 2nd Place. What was the other party(s) doing? Why do you think they were doing that? What were they likely thinking and feeling? Is there history to consider? Do you think there could have been an element of fear or worry behind what they said or did? Write it down.
Step back from the 1st and 2nd Place. View yourself as an objective 3rd Party, a mediator - there is no judgement, just observation and insight. What do you see happening? What are you hearing? What advice might you give yourself and the other party? Write it down.
Finally, take a break and sleep on it.
Find 10+ minutes and a quiet place during the next day. Sit down and revisit what you wrote down the day before. See if you can step back from the 1st Place, reframing your experience either from the 2nd or 3rd Place.
* If you are dealing with trauma from your past, I recommend you seek professional help. Remember that with support and help from qualified medical professionals, almost anything is treatable.
6. Surround yourself with optimists:
Social support is a core pillar of happiness and resilience. As Les Brown once famously said: 'If you hang around with nine losers, you’ll soon be the tenth.' I recommend you take some time to review your social support network. Are some of your friends ‘vampire suckers’ that sap your energy? Or are you surrounded by ‘superheroes’ who almost always make you feel good about yourself?
Reviewing and re-adjusting who you spend time with - your social support network - so that you are around others who are optimistic, helps you become more optimistic. You will also learn new techniques and tools that others use to find the positives in negative situations.
7. Complete simple conscious acts of kindness:
Simple conscious acts of kindness not only improve your community and social support network, but studies also show that kindness, compassion, and giving are associated with:
Improved optimism
Good mental health
A stronger immune system
Reduced anxiety, stress and depression
Better relationships
A longer life
In addition, research proves that when we complete an act of kindness it releases serotonin and dopamine in our brains. Both these neurotransmitters are commonly referred to as ‘happy hormones'. Serotonin regulates our mood and is associated with feelings of happiness, focus, and calm. Dopamine regulates our levels of motivation and is associated with feelings of reward and productivity.
Choose from one of The Happiness Flywheel’s Daily Actions by choosing a few conscious acts of kindness into your daily routine. You'll find 46 simple conscious acts of kindness to choose from right here: Conscious Acts of Kindness 1-page PDF Handout.
8. Don’t force optimism:
Becoming more optimistic is like any new habit: it takes practice, patience, and support to embed a new habit. And for those of us that sit more on the ‘glass is half empty’ end of the happiness spectrum, it can sometimes feel a little unnatural at first (like any new habit or activity). Try it when you feel comfortable and don't worry about pushing yourself too far out of your comfort zone at first. Practice patience and as recommended in Tip 6. above, make sure you get support from your loved ones.
9. Find ways to relax:
When in doubt, find ways to relax. Practicing simple breathwork techniques, listening to calming music, stretching, or doing some yoga, are all common ways people relax. Finding relaxation techniques that work for you can be a great way to reset and reduce your stress.
10. Shift Your Attention:
It turns out that our negativity bias means that we focus on negative thoughts over positive, remembering negative experiences above and beyond positive. Practice shifting your attention by intentionally but gently moving your mind away from negative thoughts. If your mind is going down a rabbit hole and you're ruminating on something bad that happened, put the brakes on those thoughts by going for a run, taking a cold shower, or focusing on the details of an object in the room. These strategies can help short circuit your negative thoughts and help you focus on the positive.
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