Step 1.3 of the 'Your Happiness Flywheel Challenge'
Welcome to the third article in our Flywheel Series - designed to set you up for success. Not the “I’ve just bought a five-bedroom house in Point Piper” kind of success, I’m talking real success - the kind that gets you out of bed on a Monday morning with a smile on your dial.
In our first article, we identified the greatest myths blocking your happiness and learned that the quickest way to boost wellbeing is by improving your thoughts and actions rather than your circumstances. We also acknowledged that even when you're happy, ‘suffering’ is inevitable. In the second article, we explored three barriers to positive behaviour change: 50,000 years of conditioning, generational trauma, and our subpersonality types.
Now, I walk you through the Pillars and Principles of Happiness to set you up for success. The Pillars are the foundation of Your Happiness Flywheel, the Principles get it spinning, they are:
Your Happiness Pillars:
Channel your “inner goldfish”.
Buy “beer” not “boats”.
Hug yourself first.
Your Happiness Principles:
Aim low to reach high.
Live to your own expectations.
Take responsibility.
While there’s an abundance of research and advice on happiness - from self-care and gratitude to mindfulness and goal setting - you rarely find a clear, step-by-step process for becoming happier (at least, I haven’t found one). That’s where Your Happiness Flywheel comes in. But before you start spinning your flywheel, you need to learn the pillars and principles that underpin it.
If you're part of the Your Happiness Flywheel Challenge, you’re almost ready to begin the five thought experiments that conclude Step 1 of Your 4-week Challenge. Once you finish reading, watch ‘Your Step 1’ video and jump into the exercises. If you’re not in the Challenge, keep reading - and if you're interested in learning how three simple steps over four weeks can boost your happiness, visit our website. Let’s jump in:
Your Happiness Flywheel Pillars
1] Channel Your ‘Inner Goldfish’:
“The past & future are nice places to visit, but you wouldn’t want to live there.” Unknown
You’ve likely heard that goldfish have a three-second memory. Although that’s a myth - research suggests their memory lasts closer to two or three months - the idea still carries an important lesson. Clinging to past regrets and “should ofs” weighs us down, while worrying about future events that may never occur only creates stress and anxiety.
The past can be a nice place to visit; good times, good memories. However, more often than not, as world renowned clinical psychologist Rick Hanson reminds us, we tend to forget our positive experiences while fixating on the negative. Our minds treat negative experiences like Velcro - sticky - while positive ones behave more like Teflon, non-stick.
Looking toward the future, if you’re like me, there are potential scenarios - often related to security, wealth, health, or aging that cause stress. It’s important to remember that the future isn’t real, no one has experienced it yet (unless you’re Marty McFly from Back to the Future). Your future remains completely outside your circle of control.
Staying present can be difficult, however, there are simple actions you can take to ‘channel your inner goldfish’.
2] Buy ‘Beer’ Not ‘Boats’:
“I'm there making a stupid movie, when I could have been making their life.” Sly Stallone
I'm not suggesting you buy a case of lager; this pillar is about prioritising meaningful connections and experiences over objects and achievements. Regardless of how many awards and achievements you collect, without people to share them with, life can feel lonely. Whether you're on a boat, at the beach, or walking along a boardwalk, it's the people you share your moments with that truly matter.
The Harvard Study of Adult Development - a study that has tracked over 724 participants for more than 85 years - confirms this. The key finding is that relationships are the most significant factor in leading a happy and healthy life.
Most studies on happiness emphasise that building a healthy support network and social connection are key to wellbeing. We know this, so why is it that sometimes we prioritise the “boat” over the “beer”?
3] Hug Yourself First:
"The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself." Steve Maraboli
Happiness starts from within and at its core is self-acceptance and self-care. Embracing your imperfections boosts your confidence, self-esteem, and overall performance.
Uncovering the truth behind the greatest Happiness Myths and Barriers covered in the first two articles is a crucial first step. Once you’re aware of these obstacles, you can embed simple yet effective self-acceptance and self-care practices into your routine to become happier.
A critical element of this pillar is positively shifting your inner and outer dialogue. As Tony Robbins tells us; “The way we communicate with others and ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.”
As you shift your inner and outer dialogue, you boost your resilience and wellbeing, in addition to strengthening your social support networks. As we learned in the 2nd Pillar above, strong social support networks are fundamental to living a happy and healthy life!
The above 3 Pillars underpin Your Happiness Flywheel. Each action and habit within the Flywheel lives within one of the three Pillars. However, as Leonardo Da Vinci famously once said; knowing is not enough, being willing is not enough, we must do - which brings us to the 3 Principles that get Your Happiness Flywheel spinning:
Your Happiness Flywheel Principles
1] Aim Low to Reach High
“Getting 1% better every day counts for a lot in the long run” James Clear
It might sound counterintuitive, but profound change often begins with small, consistent actions that build unstoppable momentum - much like a flywheel in motion. As James Clear illustrates, compounding interest is one of the most powerful forces on earth. If you invest $100 at 1% daily compounding interest it’ll grow to $3,778 in one year!
While ambitious goals are great, relying solely on big goals can overwhelm you. Instead, break them down into bite-sized, manageable tasks. Focus on day-to-day achievable actions rather than distant, lofty ambitions that can seem out of reach.
Aiming low also helps you avoid relying too much on motivation, which can be unpredictable and may lead to disappointment or burnout. Motivation is only one piece of the behaviour change puzzle, and it's not the best place to start.
I’ve learned that when I ‘aim for stars’ often I run out of puff. I’d look to people like Jack Dorsey and David Goggins for motivation, however, rather than motivate me, I ended up feeling inadequate. If you want to create the next Twitter or learn how to complete over 4,000 pull-ups in 24-hours, I’m sure they can help. However, if you want to improve your wellbeing whilst living an everyday extra’ordinary’ life I suggest you set the bar a little lower.
Consistent, small actions create unstoppable momentum - much like the spinning of a flywheel.
2] Live to Your Own Expectations:
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” Theodore Roosevelt
From a young age, expectations are imposed on us by parents, peers, and authority figures. Societal and cultural norms often dictate how we should behave, encouraging conformity over individuality. As a result, some of us grow up disconnected from our authentic selves. Renowned physician Gabor Maté reminds us that authenticity isn’t a luxury - it’s a fundamental human need essential for wellbeing and personal growth.
Leon Festinger’s social comparison theory reveals that we naturally compare ourselves to others. In today’s hyper-connected world, these comparisons are constant and frequently skewed toward unrealistic ideals. Scrolling through social media filled with posts of successes, holidays, or picture-perfect family moments can leave you feeling that your own life falls short.
Moreover, research shows that when we compare ourselves to others, we often focus on areas where we feel most insecure. If you’re self-conscious about your career progress, you might instinctively measure yourself against a high-achieving colleague, intensifying your feelings of inadequacy. Similarly, if you’re sensitive about your appearance, you may fixate on those who seem more attractive, reinforcing a negative self-image.
By living in alignment with your own values and expectations, you redirect your focus toward your strengths and what gives you joy, cultivating a healthier, more positive self-view.
3] Take Responsibility:
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” Viktor E. Frankl
Taking responsibility for your actions whilst recognising that today's choices shape your future is a powerful driver of lasting, positive change.
Renowned mindset experts like Martin Seligman and Carol Dweck highlight the importance of cultivating an internal locus of control. First introduced by Julian Rotter in the 1960s, he stated that individuals with an internal locus take responsibility for both their successes and failures, seeing themselves as the primary agents of change in their lives. In contrast, an external locus of control describes the belief that outcomes are largely dictated by forces outside your control - such as luck, fate, or influential others.
Research shows that an internal locus is linked to greater resilience, motivation, and psychological wellbeing, while an external locus is associated with learned helplessness, stress, and depression (Lefcourt, 1976; Weiner, 1985).
You can’t change the past or predict the future, but you can take responsibility for your behaviour and actions today.
Applying these three Principles into your wellbeing journey will not only get Your Happiness Flywheel spinning but help you sustain its momentum, setting you up for lasting success and long-term happiness. Interested in learning more about Your Happiness Flywheel, check out the Next Steps and Additional Resources listed below:
Next Steps & Additional Resources
If you haven’t already, read the earlier articles in this series:
Article 1.1: ‘Two Happiness Myths Busted’.
Article 1.2: ‘Beating the Barriers to Positive Behaviour Change’
Join the waitlist for the next available 4-week Your Happiness Flywheel Challenge: Check Your Challenge out here.
Interested in a workplace wellbeing program that boosts happiness, productivity, and collaboration? Contact Gareth at: gareth@happinessflywheel.com.au
A Note on Support: If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, please seek professional help. In Australia if you need someone to talk to call Lifeline: 13 11 14, Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636, Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800, or the Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467. In New Zealand call Lifeline: 0800 543 354, Youthline: 0800 376 633, or the Suicide Crisis Helpline 0508 828 865.
About the Author
Gareth is one of Australia’s foremost experts on happiness and habits, having dedicated 6,000+ hours researching human behaviour over seven years. During that time he has coached and trained more than 2,000 people from 150+ organisations, bootstrapped a startup, and navigated personal challenges - summarised by the line: “four funerals and a wedding.” The culmination of his research and lived experience is The Happiness Flywheel and the 5Habits App.
Thank You
Thanks for taking the time to read this article. If you found some value in it, I’d love for you to give it a 👍 and share it with your network to help others become happier. For more tips on happiness, habits, or communication, feel free to reach out or follow me on LinkedIn.
All the best, Gareth
Connect with Gareth
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