Step 1.1 of the 'Your Happiness Flywheel Challenge'
This article will help you break free from two common happiness myths. Like any cognitive change, it starts with awareness and insight. The goal of this article is to offer simple, actionable insights that you can use to enhance your happiness, resilience, and wellbeing.
If you're part of the Your Happiness Flywheel Challenge, consider this the first of three essential reads for Week One. Not a fan of reading? You can always watch the Step 1 video, which introduces five simple exercises to complete before moving onto Step 2. And if you're not on the Challenge but enjoy these insights, discover how three simple steps over four weeks can help you become happier here. Let’s begin:
The People Puzzle
In my line of work, I meet people from all walks of life - CEOs, managers, entrepreneurs, apprentices, academics, bankers, builders, baristas, and everyone in between. Some are perpetually pessimistic, always seeing the glass half empty (or even, “the glass is smashed, where the f#$k did all the water go?”). On the flip side, there are those whose optimism overflows, their cup is full. So, what makes some people happier than others? Often, it’s not about external circumstances at all - it’s about busting these two common myths:
Myth 1: If I change my circumstances, I will be happy
Myth 2: When I’m happy, I will no longer suffer
Myth 1: If I change my circumstances, I will be happy
Research by Sonja Lyubomirsky* and colleagues suggest that only about 10% of our happiness comes from external circumstances. Genetics might account for roughly 50%, while the remaining 40% (or even more, according to some experts) is determined by our intentional activities - how we think, act, and set our goals. In fact, Shane Achor**, founder of GoodThinkInc., tells us that “90% of your long-term happiness is predicted not by the external world but by the way your brain processes the world.”
Another piece of the puzzle is the Hedonistic Treadmill. We quickly adapt to new experiences - what once thrilled us eventually becomes our new normal. We tend to return to a ’baseline’ of happiness despite significant positive or negative life changes (what seemed awesome and exciting yesterday becomes the norm today). For example, I’m off to URBNSURF Sydney for my first-ever wave pool session. My excitement is sky-high now, but I know that with time, that anticipation will fade. The good news is that once you realise, you’re on a treadmill, it’s easier to get off (and get on Your Happiness Flywheel my friends!).
Sonja, Shane, and I aren’t suggesting you neglect improving your circumstances. In fact, making intentional changes and setting meaningful goals can boost your happiness. However, that’s not where your journey should begin.
Key insight:
Focus on what you can control - your thoughts, behaviours, and attitudes. By prioritising these, you can boost your wellbeing regardless of external changes.
*SOURCE: Lyubomirsky S, Dickerhoof R, Boehm JK, Sheldon KM (2011). Becoming happier takes both a will and a proper way: an experimental longitudinal intervention to boost well-being.
**SOURCE: Achor, S. (2010). The Happiness Advantage: The seven principles of positive psychology that fuel success and performance at work. Crown Business/Random House.
Myth 2: When I’m happy, I will no longer suffer
In Buddhist philosophy, suffering (or Dukkha) is a given part of being human. Suffering shows up as everyday pain, the discomfort of change, grief, and that nagging, existential dissatisfaction arising from life’s impermanence. The truth is, no matter how happy or successful we are, life always includes a dose of suffering. What matters is how we respond to it.
I am happier now than I ever was, however, that doesn’t mean I don’t suffer. Whether I’m dealing with personal loss, family worries, or even a frustrating injury after an amazing URBNSURF session, I’ve discovered that accepting these bumps in the road - rather than fighting them - makes life easier. In a memorable counselling session last year with my wife, after sharing all my 'problems', our counsellor reminded me that “If you don’t have any problems, you’re not living.”
Problems aren’t the problem, how we respond to them is. And to draw on more of Alan Watt’s wisdom, if we can remind ourselves that no amount of anxiety makes any difference to anything that is going to happen, we’ll be happier.
Key insight: Accept that discomfort, loss, and pain are part of life. Rather than chasing a suffering-free existence, embrace the lessons adversity offers, and you'll be better equipped to handle life's ups and downs.
Techniques to help you overcome the myths
If you’re part of the Your Happiness Flywheel Challenge, I recommend you skip these techniques and move straight onto article 1.2 ‘Breaking the Barriers’.
If you’re not on the Challenge check out the four simple techniques below to help shift your mindset and build resilience.
1. The Maui Habit*
Introduced by B.J. Fogg in his book Tiny Habits, start your day by saying, “Today’s going to be a great day” as soon as you stand up. This habit helps set a positive tone for the day and primes your mind for optimism and gratitude.
Anchor: Tie it to your morning routine.
Keep It Simple: Consistency is key - even if you’re not feeling it at first.
Celebrate: Smile or take a deep breath afterwards to reinforce the positive feeling.
Tip: If the exact phrase doesn’t resonate, change it while maintaining the positive focus.
*SOURCE: Fogg B.J. (2020). Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything.
2. Daily Verbal Gratitude
Make it a habit to express gratitude throughout your day to boost your wellbeing.
At Home: Share one thing you’re grateful for at dinner or before bed.
Spontaneously: Thank someone for even a small act of kindness during your day.
3. The Eraser Exercise*
Borrowed from Mo Gawdat’s Solve for Happy, this exercise helps you reframe traumatic experiences. The exercise encourages reframing the way you perceive your past and helps foster gratitude, resilience, and wisdom gained through adversity.
Identify a traumatic experience:
Reflect on a painful or challenging event in your life - one that left a lasting emotional impact.
Imagine erasing It:
Visualise the event being completely erased from your life.
Consider how different your life might be if that experience had never occurred?
Reflect on the loss of growth:
What lessons did I learn from this experience?
How has it shaped me into the person I am today?
Would I have developed certain skills, values, or resilience without it?
Who is in my life today that would not be if I erased the event completely?
Recognise that even in painful events, there can be valuable outcomes, such as increased empathy, strength, confidence, and/or clarity about your purpose and priorities.
Restore the experience with gratitude:
Instead of erasing the event, choose to restore it with a new perspective.
While you don’t have to feel grateful for the pain itself, you can acknowledge and appreciate the growth it facilitated
Warning:
While this exercise can be transformative, it’s important to approach it gently, especially with traumatic experiences. If a particular event feels too overwhelming to process, it may be helpful to work through it with a healthcare professional, therapist, or trusted guide.
* SOURCE: Gawdat, M. (2017). Solve for happy: Engineer Your Path to Joy. Pan Macmillan.
4. Optimistic Explanatory Style*
Martin Seligman’s concept of the Optimistic Explanatory Style is a framework that helps you reframe a negative event more positively. Rather than viewing negative events as permanent, universal, and internal, instead view them as temporary, specific, and external. In a nutshell, the three dimensions of his framework are:
Permanence: See setbacks as temporary.
Pervasiveness: Recognise that a single event doesn’t define your whole life.
Personalisation: Attribute failures to external factors rather than your inherent flaws.
For example, instead of saying “I’m terrible at this,” try “I didn’t prepare well this time, but I can improve.”
Putting it into practice:
1. Catch Negative Thoughts
Ask Yourself:
“Am I assuming this is permanent, universal, or my fault?”
Example:
Situation: You didn’t get a promotion.
Negative Thought: “I’ll never succeed in my career (permanent). I’m not good enough (personal). This failure will ruin everything (universal).”
2. Challenge the Explanation
Ask Yourself:
“Is this really permanent, or could things improve?”
“Does this one event affect everything in my life?”
“Are there external factors at play?”
Example:
“Maybe I didn’t get the promotion this time because the role was competitive (external). It doesn’t mean I’ll never get promoted (temporary). This is just one part of my career (specific).”
3. Replace with Optimistic Thoughts
Ask Yourself:
“What’s a more balanced way to look at this?”
“How can I improve the situation next time?”
Example:
“I didn’t get this promotion, but I can ask for feedback and work on my skills (temporary). This one setback doesn’t define me or my abilities (specific). The decision was likely influenced by factors beyond just me (external).”
* SOURCE: Seligman, M. E. P. (1991). Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life.
Next Steps:
Read the next Your Happiness Article 1.2: ‘Beating the Barriers to Positive Behaviour Change’
Join the waitlist for the next available 4-week Your Happiness Flywheel Challenge: Check Your Challenge out here.
Interested in a workplace wellbeing program that boosts happiness, productivity, and collaboration? Contact Gareth at: gareth@happinessflywheel.com.au
A Note on Support: If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, please seek professional help. In Australia if you need someone to talk to call Lifeline: 13 11 14, Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636, Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800, or the Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467. In New Zealand call Lifeline: 0800 543 354, Youthline: 0800 376 633, or the Suicide Crisis Helpline 0508 828 865.
About the Author:
Gareth is one of Australia’s foremost experts on happiness and habits, having dedicated 6,000+ hours researching human behaviour over seven years. During that time he has coached and trained more than 2,000 people from 150+ organisations, bootstrapped a startup, and navigated personal challenges - summarised by the line: “four funerals and a wedding.” The culmination of his research and lived experience is The Happiness Flywheel and the 5Habits App.
Thank You:
Thanks for taking the time to read this article. If you found some value in it, I’d love for you to give it a 👍 and share it with your network to help others become happier. For more tips on happiness, habits, or communication, feel free to reach out or follow me on LinkedIn.
All the best, Gareth
Connect with Gareth:
#Flywheel #happinessbegins #Habit #Challenge #SelfCare #Resilience #Productivity #WorkplaceWellbeing #SkillsforSuccess #IamHappy #SkillsforLife #MentalHealthAwareness
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